G. de la P. B.'s trial of faith and divine guidance

“I went out one night, and accidentally took the line of West end squares. In doing so, I passed a house at which I had once been welcome. Now I was so attired, that the very footman bade me get out of the way. Sick at heart, I wandered on till I came to Westminster. My brother, whoever you are, may God preserve you from such thoughts as I had then. I leaned over the bridge, and cursed myself and all mankind. There were bright stars overhead, and the moon was shining serenely glorious. All was there, but in my heart was hell. I could not cry to God, for sin choked my voice. I could not go home, all was desolation and reproaches. I stayed there hours in bitterest thought. I strove to look death in the face, and persuade myself God had been unjust to me, and I would defy him. I exulted as I thought I should escape my sorrows ; but I could not unlearn the faith of childhood in that “something after death,” which “makes us rather bear the ills we have, than fly to others we know not of.” ... I confessed I dislike low streets, the air is generally so polluted, and the people so foul in their appearance and language. It was only because in my misery I had gone down all paths, that I went down that. As I went along, I saw a mean little room, with a board over the door, announcing that the Latter-day Saints worship there. — Millennial Star 28:45”